Reflection 118: “I will NEVER be Mrs. anything.”

Brenda Hernandez is a law school diversity professional. She is also a feminist activist and blogger. She is the Outreach Coordinator for Hollaback! Boston. You can read all about her impending Jewish Latino Feminist Wedding on her blog BoricuaFeminist.com.


Why are you choosing to get married?

I am choosing to get married because I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I want the spiritual and legal recognition of our relationship.

What do you see the role of a wedding to be?

The wedding will be to celebrate both the legal and spiritual recognition of our relationship with our friends and family

Is there anything so far about being engaged/wedding planning that you find remarkable or surprising?

I haven’t found anything remarkable but a little surprising were all the immediate follow up questions. Such as ‘oh you’re engaged, when’s the wedding’ or ‘do you plan to have kids right away’ As if being engaged suddenly gave people (even strangers) the right to know more details about your life. So in their eyes I guess if you’re putting your relationship status on display, then anything else must be fair game.

Do you have an engagement ring? How do you feel about it?

I do have an engagement ring and I love it. I did not want a diamond because of the industry. Jake didn’t get me a diamond and made sure to purchase it from a jewelry who makes conflict free, ethical, eco friendly from social responsible materials. It demonstrates who we are as a couple and our values.

How do you feel about the word “wife”?

I am not a huge fan of the word wife because of it’s history and present day connotations. I prefer the word partner. However, because I know what the terms husband and wife will mean to us, I will not be adamantly opposed to being called Jake’s wife. However, I will NEVER be Mrs. anything.

What decision are you making about your name? Why?

I will keep my last name and take Jake’s as my middle name. My name is who I am, it says something about my ethnic background but I also lost my dad very young and it’s important for me to keep his name. However, I respect the heritage behind Jake’s last name as well and wanted to incorporate it somehow. I will probably just use the initials practically speaking.

What do you expect marriage to be like? Are you expecting your relationship with your partner to change?

As far as our relationship I do not see much changing when we get married. I think the marriage changes will come more in the form of legal benefits. Although having never been married, I cannot say for sure nothing will change.

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One thought on “Reflection 118: “I will NEVER be Mrs. anything.”

  1. Pingback: ICYMI: My Interview with The Marriage Project | Boricua Feminist

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